Ancient Roman Weddings

Greetings friend,

My name is Cassia which means empty and vain and I’m sorry to admit that it fits. My husband is called Avitus which means ancestral.

His name puts a lot of pressure on me to produce children. I make many sacrifices to Diana, the goddess of fertility.

Our marriages here in Rome, unlike many lesser civilizations are monogamous. There is almost no divorce here. The husband can initiate divorce on the grounds of infidelity or infertility, but it rarely happens.

There are several ways to become betrothed.

For non-citizens, they lived together and if they were happy, they needed to make a formal announcement. This was very simple. They just held hands in public. They would have a ceremony but no contract.

In my case, my father decided on my fiance and a formal betrothal was announced. Avitus gave me a ring symbolizing that he trusted me with his worldly belongings. (This may well be the precursor to the modern engagement ring.)

The dowry was arranged and the day of the wedding was set. Choosing the day was complicated. February and May were taboo. June was a good month (thus the June Bride) but it was still necessary to consult the oracles for the specific date.

I must admit that I lived up to my name. I was not the most  patient or serene of brides to be. If it were to be done, I wanted  it done now.

Finally the day arrived! And all my impatience turned to nervousness.

My mother arrived to bath and anoint me. Then she dressed me in the traditional white robes which would never be used again.

I argued and fussed as she did my hair. And then she put on my off white veil. Almost done.

The most important part of my costume was a sash tied with the knot of Hercules. Only my husband would be allowed to remove it.

The wedding ceremony itself was relatively painless.

We had the 10 witnesses necessary and held hands in front of the priest where we chanted out vows. We then sat on stools facing the altar and made offerings to Jupiter. We offered a pig and a cake, which we ate afterwards.

We had the wedding breakfast, paid for by Avitus, but held at my father’s house. And we received many beautiful gifts which made me very happy.

Then it was time for the procession to my husband’s house. Before this could begin we had to re-enact a version of abduction of the Sabines where my mother pretended to try to save me but Avitus “abducted” me with a mock show of force.

Then I was escorted to my new home.

The threshold was adorned with garlands and the torches were thrown away. I  made an oath to my marriage and my husband. It was also my duty to rub the threshold with oil and fat and wrap it with wool, a symbol of my becoming a domestic wife.

I was carried over the threshold to honor Venus, the goddess of virgins.

Avitus and I both touched fire and water to ensure that our unity will last through eternity. (Poor Avitus, I only hope he can endure me that long…)

I was presented with a key and then the festivities began in earnest. Feasting, music, dancing… It was a marvelous celebration!

Before we entered the bedchamber, I lit a special torch, blew it out and tossed it to the crowd who scrambled to get it. For good luck.

The next morning I emerged a matron. No less vain, but a matron.

By Ellen Chatillon

A Simply Elegant Wedding

Please visit my main website here.

 

An Ancient Greek Wedding

“Agethe, Agethe” I could hear my mother calling me.

It was my wedding day.

I was 14, which assured my virginity. My betrothed was 30, hopefully haven outgrown the youthful wandering passions that afflict men.

We had been promised to each other when I was 5. That’s normal and the arrangements were made by my father. He might have based his decision on money or on the alliance of our two houses. But I had no special doubts or fears because my husband to be’s name is Chariton which means grace and kindness.

We had the nuptial bath, with water brought in by a special child. His presence was said to insure purity and fertility.

As I sat in the bath, the water gently running over my body, I thought of my new life as a wife. I would not be able to mingle with men and so could not attend most public functions.

I would, of course, be able to leave the house if I were with other women of similar social standing.

My main tasks would be to manage the house, take care of the children and bath and anoint my husband, Chariton. If I chose to I could also weave to provide our family with clothing  and even add to the household income.

The bath finished and myself anointed, my mother and other ladies assisted in dressing me.

The most important of the garments was the veil. It would remain in place until  I belonged to Chariton and not my father.

We also prepared the banquet and sacrifices.

And then came the wedding feast, one of the few events women were permitted to attend. We had all kinds of delicacies, my favorite was honey and sesame seeds.

There were professional singers and a toast before each song. The songs were special, encouraging our future, our relationship, the births of our children and even comparing us to gods.

But the most important part took place at the end of the feasting.

I was unveiled and this symbolized that I was no longer part of my father’s family but was now united with Chariton.

A boy, wearing a crown of nuts and thorns, took bread from a basket that was shaped like a cradle and gave it to the guests saying,”I fled worse and found better.”

There was a traditional drama where I show distress at leaving my family but Chariton grabs my wrist and Father says that he gives me up for childbearing. I became a symbolic captive of my groom.

Then began the procession from my father’s house to my new home. Sometimes the whole town would take part. The women carried baskets filled with all kinds of things, from flowers to sandals, which they threw at us in the spirit of a victory celebration.

I was welcomed by Chariton’s mother with torches when we arrived. And there was a familiar series of rites for prosperity and fertility. I ate a quince and burned a chariot wheel signifying that I could never go back to my family home.

Outside  the bedchamber there were statues of gods to bring us harmony, pleasure and fertility. We entered with some of the guests  who  stayed a little bit and were then shooed out.

My friends sang outside the door to comfort me as I became a woman. They also beat on the door to frighten away any evil spirits.

The final day of the festivities was relatively quiet. We were waken by songs sung by maidens who had stayed awake all night to sing and guard us as we slept.

And I was presented with many lovely gifts.

Now I tend to my house, my children and my beloved Chariton.

By Ellen Chatillon

A Simply Elegant Wedding   Please visit my main website here.

 

Ancient Egyptian Marriages

Ancient Egyptian Marriage Ceremonies and Customs

Cast:

Bride: Husn (name means beauty)

Groom: Bes (name means protector)

Brides Father: Ammon (name means the hidden one)

Bride’s Mother: Tawaret (name means she who is great)

I’m so excited, we will be entertaining Husn this evening. It’s not the first time, we entertain him often. But each time, I grow more excited.

My family chose him, but he is perfect for me. He stands tall and powerful and yet I detect a gentleness in his soul.

I’m taking special care with my appearance today. I’ve decided on the ground lapis lazuli for my eyes. I could have chosen kohl or the ground green malachite, but the lapis sets my eyes off better and I believe it is the best for warding off the evil eye.

But first I must anoint my body. Which to choose? Rose, lily, cinnamon, orange, myrrh or sandalwood. They’re all so expensive because we have to import them from far way lands. I think I will choose the orange because it is light and blends in with the other scents.

I dress, with the help of my maid, in a simply white garment. It is transparent because that is the custom. Then we must choose a sash and a collar. I choose a blue sash and a blue and gold collar.

I am oiled and scented. Now I apply my eye paint. I am pleased with the result. A little red ochre for rouge and I am ready.

I hope to receive the ring tonight. The one that promises us to each other.

I leave my room, with my heart pounding, and am met with joyous music and an abundance of food. Meats, not pork of course because it causes illness, fruits but few vegetables. They are not plenty in our dry land.

I am seated next to Bes, my intended. His eyes glow and I’m sure mine too.

He presents me with an exquisite ring which, of course, all the women and my father, Ammon, wish to see.

The ring is deemed worthy and is seems that I and my dear Bes are to become husband and wife.

He has yet to come up with the other precious gifts that I am entitled to. But he is not a poor man and I have confidence that they will come.

I retire and in bed reflect on my luck. Almost all marriages are happy here and there are laws about divorce.

Among them are childless marriages but most couples adopt if they cannot have their own. We are a monogamous culture, and that is another cause for divorce, adultery. But the social stigma against that is so great that it almost never happens.

I have received the gifts from Bes and we are to be married. It is good. It’s also good for my younger sisters because if I were not wed, they could not.

I shall become an honored woman. I will rule the house. I will bear children and care for them. All the world will see me as a paragon.

It is the night before the wedding. And the men and women celebrate separately.

Bes will spend his time dancing and probably drinking until the early morning.

I will be with my female friends and we will do henna symbols and dance and laugh until we can no more.

The marriage ceremony itself is not complicated. We make out sacred vows with the roles that we commit to.. Green wheat is tossed into the air to promote fertility.

The feasting and dancing commences.

This man and I will be happy!

Ancient Egyptian marriages were almost always happy.

And women were equal to men. (Except in writing because they weren’t taught how.)

Please visit my main website here.

 

Ancient and not so Ancient Weddings

Aloha Dear Reader,

I’ve decided to do some research and find out more about weddings and customs from the distant past to the present.

I’ll try to post as much as I can but it does take some time to gather the information.

The posts will be in story form.

I certainly hope that you enjoy them as much as I do writing them.

Peace, sunsets and aloha from Maui,

Ellen

Please be sure to visit my main website here.

 

Diary of a Wedding Planner, Part 5

My main website is here.

It is about a week before your wedding.

I have already confirmed and reconfirmed the vendors. I will do it again at least twice before the date. This is not because I don’t trust them, it’s more of a bonding thing. And making sure that any details have slipped beneath the cracks. We’re all on the same page.

And that page is your page.

THE DAY OF

My staff and all vendors will be there 2 to 3 hours before the wedding. (All rented items will already be there.)

This  is when we set up the ceremony location, the lights and centerpieces, name cards and anything else that needs to be done.

This is really where your coordinator is vital. She knows the location and any rules they have, she knows the vendors, she is the one that has all the information to create your dream. And, most importantly, she knows what that dream is.

In general terms, she is the general contractor. You have told her what you want and it’s up to her to make it happen.

Everybody is there to make it perfect.

And we will.

Peace, sunsets  and aloha from Maui,

Ellen

Please take the time t o visit my main website here.

 

Diary of a Wedding Planner, Part 4

Aloha Dear Reader,

Now that the contract is signed and the deposit is in place, I hit the ground running.

If the wedding is going to be held at a private location, that’s the first thing I book. If the wedding is a smaller event on a public beach, I apply for the license from the state.

And then on to the other essential services, especially those that are hard to book. The musician, DJ or band come under this blanket. So does the photographer, caterer and transportation.

I always over staff and have at least one assistant with me, sometimes two  or three. They are my eyes and ears. They can also jump in wherever and whenever they’re needed. And if, heaven forbid, we need more ice or somebody forgot to bring something, we have enough people so that we can spare somebody to go to the store.

These indispensable people tend to be young men and women who have the strength necessary to move chairs and tables, string lights, etc. But many of them don’t stay on Maui for very long so I usually wait until about a month out before hiring them.

Next time we’ll discuss the days before and the day of the wedding.

Until then be blessed and embrace your love!

Peace, sunsets and aloha from Maui,

Ellen

To visit my main website, please click here.

 

Virtual Diary of a Wedding Planner, Part 3

Aloha Dear Reader,

So now the client has received their estimate. They usually want at least a few days to review it with their intended and other interested parties (often parents) and get input from them.

And I await the inevitable bevy of questions.

So many of my brides apologize for asking questions. I don’t expect people to know the ins and outs of what I do. And I’m happy to answer the questions because the more you know, the less stress you will feel. There’s absolutely no reason to be embarrassed about asking questions. For you, it’s only once (we sincerely hope) but for me, it’s far more often.

This is also where we tweak the estimate, adding or eliminating as needed. Even after tweaking it’s still basically a starting place and not a final invoice.

More later. Be blessed and embrace your love!

Peace, sunsets and aloha from Maui,

Ellen

Please visit my main website here.

 

Virtual Diary of a Wedding Planner, Part 2

A Fabulous, Upscale Location

Aloha Dear Reader,

So, as a result of our conversation, I have at least a vague idea of what you want.

Now it’s time for me to crunch some numbers and give you an itemized estimate for your wedding.

Obviously I will include the things that we discussed. If I’m not sure how much something will cost I generally over-estimate it on the theory that down the road a good surprise will be much better than a bad one.

At this point in the planning I won’t ask vendors to submit bids. We don’t have a contract yet and I don’t want to ask them to spend the time.

And then there are those pesky little things like tents, linens, tables, chairs, banquet tables for the buffet, etc. I know what we’ll need and so I just put them in.

Every part of the wedding is itemized, with tax and my charge as well. So you know what you’re paying for.

The initial estimate is rarely the same as the final invoice. We add, we  we eliminate. But you will always know how the changes affect your bottom line.

And nothing is carved in stone until about two weeks before the date.

I now limit estimates to two per potential client. Unfortunately I’ve been taken advantage of and after umpteen estimates the client decides to do something else. Estimates take time and they aren’t my favorite part of my job…

So then I send you the estimate…

Peace, sunsets and aloha from Maui,

Ellen

Please visit my main website here.

 

Virtual Diary of a Maui Wedding Planner, Part 1

Aloha Dear Reader,

This mini-series is designed to take some of the mystery out of what goes on behind the scenes for your Maui wedding.

When I am first contacted by a client, if it is an email I always suggest a phone conversation. There are several reasons for this.

I want to get an idea of what the client is looking for and what his or her priorities are. I also need an idea of the budget that we will be working with.

We talk in some detail about the flowers, the music, the catering and the overall theme or ambience that they couple has in mind.

This conversation also gives me a chance to give them some idea of how I work: how I rate vendors, locations, etc. How flexible I am in some areas and how I am less flexible in others. And the reasons behind it.

It also gives us a chance to get to know each other a little and this is perhaps the most important aspect of that first conversation. If we can laugh together, enjoy the interaction that gives both sides a much better idea if we will be a good fit. The client will, I hope, feel comfortable talking with me and I with her.

And that is so, so important. In the coming months the relationship will develop but if you don’t get off to a good start it can lead to trouble down the road.

One of the main things that I try to do is instill confidence and a sense of fun. But I do have the best clients in the world!

Peace, sunsets and aloha from Maui,

Ellen

Check out my main website here.

 

What is a Great Wedding Planner, Part 5

Aloha dear reader,

This will be the last of this series about great wedding planning on  Maui.

I’ll start off with a brief recap of the previous posts:

1. Your relationship with your wedding planner should be mutually respectful and she should put your visions and dreams above all else.

2. Timely communication is something you should expect and receive. It should not take a week to get a return email or phone call.

3. She should be able to make suggestions that fit in with your vision and personality.

4. She should be present at your wedding and, if it’s a larger event, be sufficiently staffed.

One last word on this subject. She is the one who knows the most about every aspect of the wedding. She knows you. She knows the vendors and any idiosyncracies they may have. She knows the location and any special rules that apply. She should use the information to help make your day as perfect as possible!

Peace, sunsets and aloha from Maui,

Ellen

To visit my main website, please click here.